Bitter Memory, Yet Heart Beckons You

When I met you, you were:

A newfound love,

Spring of new hopes,

Summer of new blooms,

Autumn of joy, and

Winter of togetherness.

But seasons of love ended with Spring.

Dear Ugyen,

We were meant to be together – good or bad; bad and worse. Life was once beautiful in the meadows of love. There was perpetual sunshine. There was a time when I was able to see the smile on every elements of Nature. I did agreed with Wordsworth’s line, “Nature never did betrays the heart that loves her.” Indeed, my nature, the sublimity of my life was you. There was taste in everything you did. There was and there is time when I read and re-read the archies you sent to me. But this act is now seemingly archaism. You transferred me to the mud of sufferings. Life suddenly took a terrific turn. That was the doomsday of my life.

The last week of May 2008 was a week that brought tones of smiles and happiness to me and the third week of September 2011 was the one that lifted tones of smiles and happiness, and replaced with sadness, sorrows and hammerings of rain. This action, indeed, occurred at the crucial crux of my health. I played football a few days before the aforementioned week and my ill luck overtook my luck and got my right hand fractured. Under the tremendous pain from pygmified right hand, you decided to take a turn in your life for good, leaving a deep scar on my heart. You did it for the good of yourself.

Six months after that were long, time took slow pace. There wasn’t haste moment of time. I listened to the music, yet I found no rhythm; I played with friends, yet there lacked enthusiasm; I beckoned the company of my friends, yet the depth of my heart rejected their companies; I seek solace in books, yet I could see you walking by the lines of every page, and life was absurd then. The heart knew that it is solitary and there is no explication to find solace. The beat of my heart then became sporadic. 

Life, then is a homogenous mixture of to be and not to be. Everything that interested me vanished, heart still yearns for you. I know your prince charming is notably worthy, and I might too have somebody, yet my heart seeks and yearns for you. This is your power. You have etched something in my heart that cannot be forgotten. Sometimes I think the memory that I have is merely a dream. The beautiful moments of the past are gone, memory still haunts me. The past is ghost of present. Love is but the haunting ghost. Powerful is love, bitter is memory. Sweet or bitter, the memory of the gone love has made a history of something worthy.

 

I had a dream, a dream to be like that of dove, sitting on the twig, sharing the inner zone of eternal love. However, for dreams to come true we have to depend on our kismet. This is a determining factor of our life. I have no words to blame you, nor a bitter feelings for you because you move ahead for good. Sometime, someday if our kismet still binds us together, we will be able to unite. Thank you my love. May you have swift past and concrete future.

With love, with best wishes,

Truly yours,

Sherub Phuntsho